Lightbulb Jokes

How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one since his/her hands are in the air anyway

How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on. Or... Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and pray the light bulb will decide to change itself.

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
CHANGE???????

No. Really, how many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

How many neo-evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?
No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.

How many Church of Christ Members does it take to change a light bulb?
Six men. One to authorize the change; two to look up the scriptures to see if it's something Jesus or Paul would approve of; and three to keep the women in submission, i.e. keeping them from giving advice, instructions, or usurping authority over the men.

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. but for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

How many fundamentalists or independent Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one because any more would be compromise and ecumenical standards of light would slip.

How many liberals does it take to change a light Bulb?
At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They always use candles.

How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change light bulb?
One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
We choose not to make a statement of either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb however, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way,long-lived, and tinted; all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.

No. Really, How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved-you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
What's a light bulb?

How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if, in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The lights are on, but no one's home.

How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Mosaic Miami Church Website
Mosaic Miami Church Blog